There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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