i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i would punch a child for taco bell
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
