I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
