there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
