Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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