she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
