i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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