Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
