listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize