mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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