How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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