I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
