the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
