...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
