I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
