Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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