True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
