Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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