if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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