i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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