There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
