Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
