Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
