were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
