also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
