Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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