last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
