what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
