Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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