In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
