haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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