you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He better not be in your backpack
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
