Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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