I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
