Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
