I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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