you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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