so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
