I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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