just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No subtext here. People are naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
