we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
