There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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