he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
