is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
