how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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