oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
