They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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