I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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