Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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