Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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