considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
