I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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