I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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