he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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