Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
