Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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