yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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