He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
