You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you would pick up someone in the library
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
