i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize