I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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