We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize