I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
