I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
