No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You made out with two different species that night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
