when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
