____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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