he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
